Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Something brief: I've got to get this attitude together. But I know it's coming from missing my mother. Today last week was Valentine's Day. My Husband gifted me a trip to NYC to see Melanie B in CHICAGO for Christmas. It was the perfect Valentine's gift, even though I truly feel the say has become way more than what it should be. A card, some candy and maybe flowers is suffice. Anything more than that is indeed TOO MUCH. Anyway, we go and see this amazing show, and we get to meet Mel B at the end. By far the best part of the trip. Probably the most amazing thing to ever happen in my life to be honest. To meet someone I idolized at a kid; someone who embodied the idea that being yourself is okay...it's what every kid needs. Meeting her brought all of that full circle for me in a way. So, I had to tell her about this, and thank her for just being her true self with her girls. She needed to know that she helped a little 10/11 year old boy understand that one day, if not that day, he will be able to accept and love himself the way he is. So fucking amazing! When we got back to the hotel I was still excited. Upon showering for bed, I then had this overwhelming feeling of needing to tell someone. That's when I realized the person I wanted to tell was no longer around. It hurt me so bad. I just cried in the shower...kind of like Toni Braxton in "Un-break My Heart"...sans the sitting in the corner part. Nonetheless, it still hurt. I quickly let it go and finished before hopping in bed like nothing had ever happened just minutes before. I just miss her so much. Days since, I've been on edge about things because of it. It wasn't until last night that when I took something my Husband said to heart, and was all in my feelings that I knew everything was coming to a head. Then I had the most amazing dream: my mother came. She was her old self, in her good wig, a cute little blue dress (blue was her favorite color), and vibrant. She saw me and said, "DONTE! My baby!", and gave me the biggest hug ever. The best part was when she told me, "I love you so much!" All I can remember after that was crying hysterically in my dream. It was a feeling of great love and relief. Next thing I know, it was 6:20AM and I was getting up for work. I am so happy to have had that moment. I miss her.